When I was navigating postnatal depression, so many strong women told me to be kind to myself. I nodded every time, thinking I already was. I didn’t understand what they meant - how was I supposed to do that? I thought self-compassion meant forgiving myself for not keeping the house tidy or not doing it all perfectly. But over time, I learned that kindness runs deeper than forgiveness. It’s about caring for yourself the way you care for your children; consistently, intentionally, and with patience.
When we mother, we pour endlessly. We make sure our children get enough sleep, eat well, play outside, and feel loved. Yet we often deprive ourselves of those same needs. I’d stay up late scrolling, calling it “me time,” when it was really revenge procrastination - the only quiet hours I had. I’d skip meals or grab sugary snacks to keep myself going. I thought I was being strong, holding everything together, but really, I was running on fumes.
It’s taken me years to realise that kindness isn’t about doing less - it’s about expecting more from the way I treat myself. You wouldn’t let your child run on no sleep, drink endless caffeine, and carry the emotional weight of everyone around them. So why do we allow it for ourselves?
Kindness is structure. It’s resting before you break down. It’s eating properly, not just feeding everyone else. It’s saying no to what drains you - even when guilt creeps in. It’s choosing an early night over another episode, not because you’re boring, but because you’re healing.
Rest is not indulgent - it’s survival. We’ve been taught that rest must be earned, that only when everyone else is content can we finally exhale. But rest isn’t a reward. It’s a basic human need - for pregnant women creating life, for new mothers rebuilding, and for every mother carrying the invisible load of a thousand small tasks.
Here’s what I’ve learned about self-compassion:
Sleep is sacred. Stop calling it a luxury - it’s medicine.
Eat properly. You deserve real nourishment, not leftovers and cold coffee.
Move your body to release emotions, not to “get it back.”
Let yourself cry and feel. Schedule space for emotions so they don’t consume you.
Say yes to joy. Meet your friends. Dress for yourself. Laugh.
Slow down. You don’t need to earn rest; some days, survival is enough.
I still get mum guilt. I still cancel plans sometimes. But I’m learning to choose myself - gently, every day. Because when my cup is full, I love better, mother better, and live better.
So if you’re running on empty - pause.
Close your laptop. Put your phone down. Eat something nourishing. Go to bed early. Let the world wait.
You’re not failing by resting - you’re healing. You’re not broken - you’re becoming whole again.
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