Motherhood has a way of blurring the lines - between love and exhaustion, between what’s yours and what suddenly feels like it belongs to everyone else. From the moment your baby arrives, the world seems to close in: endless advice, unexpected visitors, and well-meaning people who somehow leave you feeling overwhelmed, unseen, and quietly angry. That’s where boundaries come in, not as walls to keep people out, but as gentle lines that protect your peace.
Setting boundaries is one of the hardest yet most necessary parts of motherhood. It’s saying, I know what’s best for me and my baby right now. It’s saying no to visitors when you’re not ready, no to advice that doesn’t serve you, no to comparisons that steal your joy. It’s giving yourself permission to rest, heal, and bond with your baby without guilt or apology.
But here’s the truth, boundaries are not the opposite of help. You can ask for support and still protect your peace. In fact, those two things need to coexist. When we mistake boundaries for isolation, we end up doing everything alone - burnt out before we’ve even begun.
I learned this the hard way. The first time, I set no boundaries at all. I said yes to everything and everyone. I rushed feeds, smiled through discomfort, and allowed people into my space even when I didn’t want them there - all to avoid offending anyone. I felt exposed and violated, constantly putting others’ comfort before my own.
So the second time, I went to the other extreme. Only my mum and mother-in-law were allowed at the hospital. Everyone visited on the first day, and then I enforced a strict “no visitors” rule for weeks. I needed the quiet. I needed to breathe. But in the process, I also shut out people who genuinely wanted to help. Looking back, I wouldn’t recommend either approach - the balance lies somewhere in between.
Trusting others while staying true to your instincts is the real challenge. Ignoring your gut will leave you resentful, but needing everything to go your way will leave you exhausted. I used to think control meant care; that if I didn’t manage every detail, something would go wrong. But control isn’t the same as boundaries. Boundaries protect you from what drains you; control tries to manage everything around you.
The truth is, you can’t control everything. Not your baby’s sleep. Not your in-laws’ comments. Not how your partner bonds with the baby. Not even the pace of your own recovery. The harder you try to hold everything together, the more it begins to slip through your fingers.
Here’s what I’ve learned to do instead:
Say no to advice that makes you doubt yourself.
Say not today to visitors who don’t bring peace.
Say yes to the friend who folds laundry while you nap.
Say thank you to the family member who holds the baby so you can shower.
Boundaries don’t mean doing less with others - they mean doing more on your terms.
You’re allowed to choose who steps into your space and when. You’re allowed to ask people to text before visiting. You’re allowed to accept help without handing over control. And you’re allowed to say, “That doesn’t work for me,” when something doesn’t feel right.
But here’s the part no one talks about, if you’re too rigid with your boundaries, you risk building walls instead of bridges. You can end up feeling isolated when what you really need is connection. The village you dream of can’t show up for you if you don’t let them in.
If someone offers help but doesn’t do it your way, that’s okay. Let them. Allow others to form their own small relationships with your child. It’s a beautiful thing to watch your baby be loved in ways that are different from your own.
So yes, protect your boundaries fiercely. Say no to what doesn’t feel right - no to kisses on the baby, no to kids holding the newborn, no to advice that undermines you. But balance that firmness with softness. Don’t shut people out because they don’t do things your way. Don’t let fear keep you from accepting love.
Motherhood isn’t about control - it’s about connection. The kind that holds you when you’re breaking, that feeds you when you forget to eat, that reminds you you’re doing enough.
Your boundaries are there to protect you, not isolate you. Use them to create a life that feels peaceful, supported, and real. Because the strongest mothers aren’t the ones who do it all alone -
they’re the ones who know when to say no, and when to let love in.
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